The Mega-Post

When you have more than one thing to write about but little to link the subjects, start with a bombastic title.

Don’t leave the best for last. Or do. I don’t know, it’s confusing.

How about this? Boss: Falchion’s Company Book One is now an audio book. That’s pretty good new, I think.

Of course it seems good must be balanced by bad news. I don’t know how these things are determined, what metric is employed to evaluate the degree of good and enormity of the bad. I can’t consider this a cosmic evil or anything like that, but I am typing today’s post with only eight fingers. I managed to fall and fracture my ring finger in a couple spots, so I have it strapped against the little finger, limiting mobility and function.

Oh, and there’s more. MBW was away in Mexico on a business trip. She returned yesterday, drove about a mile from the airport, and discovered a flat tire. I drove out, switched cars with her, and waited for a tow. (Why didn’t you change it yourself, Ken? You try changing a tire with only one hand, squatting by the side of the freeway with traffic passing a mere inch or two from your ass. Also, whoever it was at Lexus who designed the spare tire storage solution…seems to have had an off day. I’m sure normally he was brilliant.) But I did get about a half page written on my WIP before the tow truck arrived. The half-drunk cosmic being, found unfit for any other duties, and assigned to maintaining my Karmic Balance was amusing himself with me a bottle of cheap whiskey.

(A.S.A.P. Towing does good work. It was a slow day, so the driver found an empty parking lot, and — after a few misadventures — changed the tire himself instead of dropping me off at a garage. Thanks, Mark.)

As I said, MBW was away. That means, as always, more too-late movie reviews. I managed four this time. Now, if I can read my notes:

Zombieland Double Tap. I do not care for horror movies. But I do enjoy comedy horror, for example Shaun of the Dead or Army of Darkness. The first Zombieland amused me. Where to go from there? With a one-joke idea/story, the only real good route for a sequel is more of the same. (The doppelganger schtick probably read funnier on the page.) Ultimately, I found it a solid, satisfying beer flick.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Tarantino is still working the alternate history angle. Maybe it is a phase. The movie is engrossing, well-acted, cast, filmed, etc. At times it seems disjointed and unfocused. But it establishes a good will that carries you through the slow spots and self-indulgent pacing. Recommended.

Ford vs. Ferrari. Competent, likeable filmmaking. A comfort food movie, in the positive sense, honestly. I’m not damning it with faint praise. You’d think I’d have more to say about a movie I enjoyed, but there you have it.

Gemini Man. Made for the international market, by the numbers, PG-13 action fare. Serviceable, though more than touch Uncanny Valley. The least of this batch of movies. I fell asleep midway through the third act, but I don’t feel I missed anything.

Last week I reported the loss of my notebook containing my beer-tasting notes from the Battle for the Belt. The restaurant I’d left it at found it, so I picked it up yesterday. My notes list the name of the beer, the style (if not apparent from the name), a comment, and a score on a scale of 1-10. So, a week late, here you go, starting with —

The Blue Tray.

Mojo Mojito Mexican Lager. Someone let the little plastic bottle of lime juice ferment. 5

Stressin’ Hefeweizen. Don’t eat the brown bananas. 3.5

Drinkin’ Flicka. (Malt liquor.) Pour one out. Not for your homies. Just pour it out. 2

Lovecraft Hazy Pale. Smells fantastically citrusy. Tastes like the zest. Mix it with gin and call it a Greyhound. 3.25

Hot Tag IPA. A piney, would-be palate cleanser that lingers too long. 4.25

Punches in Bunches (IPA.) Balanced, smooth. The Cassius Clay of IPAs. Dangerously good. 8

Can I Haz Some Pie. (Sour.) Soda pop beer. Bottled blackberry candy. 8

EarthQuaker Oatmeal Stout. Pour it over ice cream. Or mix it in a Mudslide for added coffee notes. 7.75

Absorption Vanilla Porter. Middling take on the style. Vanilla slightly cloying. It did not completely absorb. 6

Bonus Beer: Mix the two above. Or, rather, don’t. The whole is less than the sum of the parts.

Monkey Fist. (Scotch Ale.) Ask for the wee beastie to unclench and remove his paw from the brew. 3.25

Coconutty Professor. (Style unknown.) Someone poured a mediocre stout into a coconut. I wish they’d come separately. 4

Yellow Tray.

Mi Hermano Mexican Lager. I like my Mexican brothers-in-law much more than I do this. 2

Stay Gold Kolsch. Saccharine. Unbalanced. Simplistic. It’s the pop-band of Kolschs. 2

Pineapple Squared Kettle Sour. A urine sample taken after a trip to the pineapple plantation tour in Oahu. 3

Mydland Hazy Pale. Well, all brewers have a first one. It is, technically, beer. Though I’m pretty sure my first kit beer tasted better. 2

Jenni’s Hazy IPA. Clouding up a sub-par IPA does not qualify it as “Hazy.” Do not care for it. 2.5

Squirrel Monkey Passion Fruit Milkshake IPA. Tastes like none of the above. 5

66th State Double IPA. A hoppy barleywine. 5.25

The Black Pearl. (Schwarzbier.) A Mountain Man beer. Better for cooking with, perhaps, than drinking. 5.25

Yorkshire Breakfast Oatmeal Stout. Why did they water down the stout. Seriously, too thin. 5

Great Scott…Smoked Scot. (Scottish Ale.) I’m not responsible for the spelling. [Unranked for some reason, perhaps because I don’t care for smoked beers.]

Great Uncle Jim Irish Coffee Stout. I want to toss in a shot of Irish Whiskey. 6

That’s the mega-post. Time to rest my finger.